We the People to Wall St.: Drop Dead

Special guest diatribe courtesy of Something Awful:

The following is a fucking letter sent right fucking now to the New York Goddamn Times, another dying newspaper that is spending its final years ignominiously lurching between the rotten crotch of Wall Street and the ghastly juice pit of its political patrons. The Fourth Fucking Estate lives on the Internet now, you simpering whores and charlatans!This is a response to an actual publicity stunt of a letter puked out by the biggest dickbag in recent history, Jake DeSantis, and then published by America’s paper of dumb fucking record. This ass polyp DeSantis worked for the patient zero of the ebola currently running rampant through the rupturing vessels and blown veins of our country’s financial circulatory system. This is a dude who helped us move a couple clicks closer to some Road Warrior 12 Monkeys shit and now he’s crying because he didn’t get his prostate massaged thoroughly enough by the taxpayers. When I address this shit to Wall Street, I mean specifically Jake DeSantis, formerly of A.I.G., but also all of the rest of these dumbfucks who just don’t fucking get it.

DEAR Wall Street,

What a bunch of whiny fucking babies. John Galt would be puking blood for 200-pages over this load of shit, you bunch of sobbing welfare queens. You fucked up. You ruined everything. You broke it, and we fucking bought it, because big baby was too big baby to fail.

We get it all ways from you motherfuckers. You’re robbing us of our present and future now, but first you stepped on our throats on your way to the top. You raked in the money with a bunch of made up fantasyland bullshit that wouldn’t fool a counting horse on America’s Funniest Home Videos, but somehow suckered in every major bank in the world.

Credit default swaps.

Those things are so fucking dumb that when you explain them to somebody and they laugh about how dumb they are you’ve got to act like ooooh they’re so magical and complicated. Far too complex for the plebes to get. No! Wrong! Go into OTB and put fifty dollars on Rambo’s Beautiful Blood. You just bought a credit default swap. Whoaaa you’re blowing my simple pea brain with your fancy Wall Street talkin’. You sadsack fuckers.

So everybody bought into your big scheme, even when they didn’t know they were playing, and now the whole thing has come crashing down because too many people won the fucking unbelievably obvious bet that a million illegal immigrants were going to default on million dollar home loans. Suddenly all your stupid fake money is gone, but if it’s gone the whole system of bullshit lies collapses and you look like dickheads. So whoopty-doo, now we gotta make the fake money turn real or else the house of shitty cunt cards comes crashing down, only there isn’t enough real money to cover all the fake money, so we’re making more real money.

Then there’s A.I.G., the bad seed, the carbuncle on our anus, the weeping wound in our tit, the sorry source of all our misery and woe. This is the monster garage full of miscreants that dreamed up the fire-breathing nitro-gulping predicament we’re in right fucking now. Their financial products division created the derivatives market from lies and their executives raked in billions in bonuses and easy money. While they were peddling bad bets, median wages in the US stagnated and poor working schmucks leaned increasingly on credit to get by. Prices on everything were going up, but credit was easy to come by what with all that bullshit money to throw around.

Your tax dollars hard at work

Useless fucking tools

Across the country, longtime local TV anchors are a dying breed. Facing an economic slump and a severe advertising downturn, many stations have cut costs drastically in the last year, and veteran anchors, with their expensive contracts, seem to be shouldering a disproportionate share of the cutbacks. When station managers are forced to make cuts, hefty anchor salaries are a tempting target. [NYT]

These ass clowns are a fucking nuisance to society. Laughing on camera, asking obvious questions. Emphasizing weather and sport, consumer reports, barely disguised plugs for local business, these organizations blithely ignore the real problems confronting US.

News? More like Nooze[tm].

They fucking deserve to be in the unemployment line. I can hear their begging now:

“Can you spare a dollar sir for hairspray?”

They should be thankful we don’t take them out back and just fucking shoot them, the uselss cunts.

And this guy is a banker? WTF?

A senior financier has lost a deposit of £500,000 after having to walk away from a deal to buy a £3.25m north London property because of the credit crunch.

Oh, so he thinks NOW  is a good time to buy a home.

He had exchanged contracts earlier this year to secure the house, but could not complete the purchase after he and his wife failed to receive expected pay bonuses.

I hate it when a plan doesn’t come together. Chickens, hatched… natch.

In a separate deal in Chelsea, west London, a buyer is said to have forfeited a £1m deposit when he failed to complete the acquisition of a £12.75m, seven-bedroom home.

Oh my. There appears to be a spate of these failures. Is it systemic?

The banker who has forfeited £500,000 is a managing director of a City investment firm. He said this weekend: “There is no way I can complete the transaction. I did not realise the market would collapse when I made the exchange.”

When a friggin’ banker doesn’t recognize a bubble collapsing, what do the rest of us rely upon? The groundhog?

Pulling out of completion after exchange is a breach of contract. If the seller loses money because the property value falls before another buyer can be found, they may be able to sue the original buyer.

The banker’s lawyer, Simon Thomas, a senior partner at Thomas Legal Group, said: “They are resigned to losing the £500,000 but the seller wants to pursue them for every penny they’re got.

Of course they will. Show them no mercy! Nevermind what this house is not “worth” anymore- it was an inflated value to begin with. But, a deal’s a deal.

Man, law UK-style can be a short-scorcher.

And if you thought we had a bubble here in the US, it pales incomparison to the Brits.

[London Times]

Protect the guilty, fine the innocent

Service to your country

Uh-oh, This Can’t Be Good for Business

***UPDATE 2****

Get the bolt cutters- youre outa here! [MSM airhead reads prompter with perfect makeup]

***UPDATE 1****

BMIT has latched on to the story. Read OCRenter’s account here.

Looks like someone drank a bit too much Kool-Aid.

Appearing in the local news and acting desperate by padlocking yourself to the front handrail (easily bypassed with a Sawzall, BTW), while at the same time trying to pass yourself off as an “expert” in the very field you claim as your “profession” is disingenuous at best, and at least as bad for business.

And another example of how, as my British friends like to point out, Americans fail to recognize irony.

So here we have yet another MSM story where the “reporter” fails to ask ANY probing or relevant questions, and just presents her- the, ahem, victim’s, uh, story. How did this situation got to this point? I mean, c‘mon- “what is the backstory?” This is the first question on any reasonble viewer’s mind.

Failing to tell the other side of the story isn’t just irresponsible journalism (I know local TeeVeeNooze(tm) reporting isn’t REALLY journalism, but let’s pretend it is to make the point). It also foments the commonly held meme idiocy that it’s merely the banks that are to blame for the financial meltdown- and not greedy homedebtors who overleveraged themselves too.

Well, over at Housing Doom a little reasearch was in order and in the comments some answers were provided.  Ms. Reyno MEW’d to her hearts content- nearly tripling the debt on her home mortgage personal ATM.

I wonder where the money (approx. $389,000, on top of the home’s original mortgage of $200,000 ) went? It didn’t just evaporate.

“It looks more like she took advantage of the lenders than the other way around.” -twist

[California Short Sale Facilitator]

[Housing Doom]

–
“The mainstream media (specifically newspapers, but also radio, TV and magazines) are flailing and failing. The usual reason given is declining readership and ad revenue, but perhaps the real decline is in their relevancy, insight and truthfulness.” -Charles Hugh Smith, Mainstream Media: Masters of the Obvious, Clueless Commentary

No third act for Turdblossom

Well done that man.

CNBS verifies reports Elmer “Dick” Fuld was attacked for financial institution’s bankruptcy:

“ ‘From two very senior sources – one incredibly senior source – that he went to the gym after … Lehman was announced as going under. He was on a treadmill with a heart monitor on. Someone was in the corner, pumping iron and he walked over and he knocked him out cold. And frankly after having watched this, I’d have done the same too.’

“  Ward determined Fuld deserved the beating based on his testimony before the committee.

”  ’I thought he was shameless,’ Ward said. ‘I thought it was appalling. He blamed everyone. He blamed, as you say, ‘naked short sellers’ over and over in case we didn’t get the point, when in fact hedge funds like Harbinger had money locked up in Lehman and was shorting it to try and make the most of the money that they already had. He blamed everybody but himself.’ “
[Business & Media Institute]

Tilt

Fire this corrupt old windbag

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

The Pay-Day-Loan President

Runners-up:

1. The Revolving-Charge-Account President
2. Debtor-in-chief
3. Mr. Lay-Away-and-Pray-for-Delay
4. The Underwater President
5. Mr. Spend-a-lot!
6. Bankruptor-in-Chief

Such a legacy!

– “Not that long ago I came to the realization that it wasn’t the politicians that were stupid; rather it was the people electing them over & over.”

That is such a load of BOLLOCKS!

More and more the meme that “poor people” or “minorities” are ultimately responsible for our financial crisis (The end of capitalism as we know it”) needs to be addressed now.

The Community Reinvestment Act is but a small blip on the GPS screen, and some stupid people out there (“Drudgepacker”) would give this false reading all the gravitational force of magnetic north, aiding scalp-hunters everywhere who want need a dark face to cover-up their own misdeeds.

As usual, these entitled socialist pigs (formerly ‘running dogs of capitalism’ now ‘comrade’) want to blame the powerless and clueless on the one hand, and beg for a little (i.e. ‘a lot’) welfare relief for themselves with the other.

As usual the stupidest Americans are blind to irony.

Sure, go ahead and dodge responsibility- that is the usual modus operandi of the racist commie republikan entitlement trust fund crowd and their poodles.

But blaming a single regulation, when effective regulation and oversight would have kept this abuse of the markets in check and would have avoided such a monumental breakdown is convenient but dishonest, especially as we’re no longer in the same book.

To the Fed, Inc., The SEC, the Cheney Bush administration, the neoCONS, Greenspank, Hanky (Panky) Paulson, Bendover Bukkake, Christopher Cox(ucker), Tangelo Orangezillo, Kenny Boy, Jimmy Cayne, Elmer ‘Dick’ Fuld, and dozens if not hundreds of other lesser known “free market” suicidal asssassins (for what else would you call someone who killed the goose that laid their precious golden parachute egg) in government and in corporate boardrooms which helped to “financially engineer” the end of American capitalism by looking the other way: Fuck You Very Much, Assholes!

Barry Ritholtz would just like to remind you who and what is responsible- helpful, if, like me you want to to know at who’s likenesses you want to throw darts.

Oh, and don’t forget Enron: our useful idiot’s president’s fave CEO (may he rest in pieces) and his “business model-” along with that of those “financial geniuses” who ran the ironically named Long Term Capital Management- have much to do with this as they were the poster boys every B-school MBA had on their wall to wank to emulate (“the sincerest form of flattery”)… and now just look at the fine mess we have on our hands today.

A Memo Found in the Street [The Big Picture (pdf)]

–
When someone told director Stanley Kubrick “you can’t polish a turd,” he replied, “you can if you freeze it.”

P.U.

Somebody needs to go to jail for this travesty.

In over his ahead

… or asleep at the wheel?

… or an empty suit?

[Bloomie]

Welfare queen.

Financial terrorist.

[Market Ticker]

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

the Sub-prime President:

Fucking Facist States of America

Democracy Now’s Amy Goodman arrested [Salon]

Mothers milk

[Hat tip]

McCain’s nose just got longer

Harriet Myers, Dan Quayle, Geraldine Ferraro, Joe Lieberman, George W. {Clueless) Bush… nothing defines American politics and business today more accurately than the Peter Principle©.

He’s trying so hard it will cause you to wonder: did McCain get caught with a young boy or a dead girl?

David Weidner pwned

DAVID WEIDNER’S WRITING ON THE WALL
Ken Lewis as a modern-day Morgan
Countrywide deal a bargain, not a bailout – [MarketWatch]
Commentary: Has Bank of America’s CEO saved the credit markets?

“NEW YORK (MarketWatch) — Sentiment is growing that Bank of America Corp.’s Kenneth Lewis may have won a place in the pantheon of great Wall Street titans by using his financial clout to help the country avoid economic ruin.

“In some circles, Bank of America’s acquisition of a stake in Countrywide Financial Corp. is being seen as critical to the end of the Panic of 2007.”

uh-oh, wait a min., check that date… 2007. WTF?

Same writer, fastforward to the present… he’s a tad early to the big investment banking cocksucking party, doncha think?

DAVID WEIDNER’S WRITING ON THE WALL (what, again?)
Chicken Littles and the U.S. banks –  [Marketwatch]
Commentary: Enough with the panic — the facts don’t support ‘crisis’ label

“NEW YORK (MarketWatch) — We’ve all heard the panic: Banks aren’t lending. They’re teetering on the edge of collapse. The government can’t afford to bail them out. You can’t trust what banks say about the quality of their assets.

“OK, there’s some truth in all of those statements. This certainly isn’t a golden age for U.S. banks. On Aug. 25, regulators shut down another bank, the ninth this year, Columbian Bank & Trust of Topeka, Kan. That failure will draw down another $60 million from the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. fund to make depositors whole.

“Not good indeed. But are the Columbian Banks of the world really going to be the end of the U.S. banking system? Are we going to see massive failures? Will the taxpayers be forced to bail out the system? Is it time to put our money in the mattress?”

Trying to judge where the future will lead, based on historical events but before all the evidence is in, is a fool’s game, son, and anyone who follows such shallow reasoning is foolish too. Or you have quite another agenda.

–
“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, yet wiser people so full of doubts.” – Bertrand Russell