Some rotten Apple© product planner…

September 30, 2006

…decided it.

If you want to transmit video from yer ipod to yer teevee, buy our pricey cable that we specially designed to perform this function.

Hey y’all, instead of buying Apples pricey cable, why doncha buy 1 for $3 from Radio shack (or use your old camcorder cable).

All Apple did was switch the colors around.



Defiinitely asshole worthy.

not an haiku

September 29, 2006

Is it hubris

a sense of entitlement

or impunity

that propels howard k stern

in his quest

to take over anna nicole smith inc.?

One heir down

and another ready replacement

a faux wedding to the junkie airhead

all help in staking his claim

machiavelli knows this man

NEWSFLASH: The United States already lags behind much of the industrialized world in broadband access.

September 28, 2006

And AT&T, Verizon – they want to keep it that way.

Keep the standards low and the prices high. Charge through the ass for additional speed.

“Broadband” at the Bell casa is “as high” as 384k- and that’s not even guaranteed.


And for this we pay $30+/mo? Shit, that’s not even 7x better than fucking dial-up!

“Broadband’ in most of the EU? 20mbps. At half the price we’re paying for <ahem> ‘broadband’ here.

That is some sick shit.

We’re getting shafted here in the blossom, if you hadn’t noticed.

They sit around the cigar smoke filled rooms drinking shandies with their pinkies extended, dreaming up new ways they can gouge Mr. and Mrs. American Consumer.

And they want to unload their ‘less-profitable’ customers because they’re spread farther and wider, and therefore too much bother.

At least the pre-break-up Ma Bell had some idea of what service meant, and took an interest in providing to everyone. They brought their services to those of us who live rurally. In the boonies. Out yonder.

Today, we’re too much trouble, and farmers aren’t important to their bottom line.

When this should be part of their charter.

Welcome to the great rip-off America gang-bang. Compassionate conservatism? Yeah, throw that on the dung-heap with trickle down economics, pal.

“Vermont — like all rural states — has higher fixed costs of providing service,”

I’m sick of tired about everything being about the bottom line, and then out of the other side of their mouth telling us how much they love their customers.

Fuck that.

We’re Americans fer chrissakes, we’re supposed to lead the rest of the world! We’re supposed to believe in equality! We’re supposed to stick together and hold out a hand and give our fellow Americans a boost up when they need it! Not be fucking slaves to the fucking bottom line, and look to please only the corporate shareholders. Who the fuck are they anyway, Der Fuhrer?!?

How about if their fucking spokesmodel said something like “We’re up to a challenge like that, because those customers deserve service too.”

But their fucking shareolders wouldn’t like that, would they?

Fuck you Polly Brown, you’re a reeeeeeeeeeeal asshole. Take the buttplug out and get a fucking clue!

Speaking of the fucking asshole American voter…

September 24, 2006

…who obviously doesn’t know (or care) about their fucking vote anyway, guess what? Some mother fuckers have figured this out and decided stealing them is the easy-peasiest best plan ever… and who’s ever going to notice anyway, hmmmmm?

And how you gonna fucking prove it? Eh?

We already know most of you fucking Americans don’t fucking bother to fucking vote anyway, and that most of the ones that do are assholes (purely base don the result), so WTF, you get the fucking people in office you fucking deserve. And so that’s who we’re stuck with, for two and a half more fucking years we got it (that’s right) the assholes choice… or is he?

“I’ve got a great way to steal this democracy. Let’s use our contacts to push for installing our proprietary voting machines”

That’s possibly how the scenario played out in Dieblod’s black vault. Every motherfucking asshole at Diebold- everyone, and I do mean everyone- every shit eating turd grinning vote-stealing accomplice. Fuck you, you fucking assholes you!

After reading this and this and this and watching this VERY REVEALING video, how is it possible to have any faith in a system which is so easily rigged- or worse, gives the wrong outcome.

Someone should tell the truth here. The election to public office isn’t a goddamn horse race. SO WHAT if a horse race is rigged-who fucking cares? I still have the same chance at winning than I did, since like most people you shove all I know about horses into a gnat’ s asshole with room to spare and anyway, my crystal ball fucking broke.

Voting OTOH is an exact science- at least, as long as ballots can be accurately counted. And seeing some of the retarded fucks that staff a polling place (church’s? WTF is up with that anyway?) I can’t help but wonder.

BTW, if any of you fucking American voters want to un-asshole yourself and help restore some faith into the fucking system, you could do worse than start here.

Now that she’s out of there for good,

September 23, 2006

what’s the odds she’ll wind up working for Homeland Security?

A perfect fit, an asshole and a iron fist.

I’ll leave it to you to figure out which is which.


Hugo, you are the boss

September 22, 2006

Calling Clueless Bush the devil who farts (or belches?) sulfur (“I’ll never follow him on stage again”- John Kerry) was not only a very close approximation of his stature in the world today, but also the view of quite a few of his fellow countrymen, who recognize he’s no longer just “our idiot.”

Now, he also belongs to the world.

Clueless Bush and his cronies are doing their utmost best to make the world safe for big business and fancy finance and to better themselves (feather their nests) in anticipation of the bleak-looking world ahead (they fear the brown skin worse than you can imagine, Hugo), and help his friends the House of Saud and other megalomaniacs (wasn’t Saddam one of his daddy’s best buds once upon a time?) too (wait, aren’t they brown too? Nope, they’re green (not that kind of green)).

So, who is Hugo to criticize these fine upstanding citizens of the (ahem) world?

Well. Never-mind the casualties caused by invading the wrong fucking country are measured in increments of tens of thousand- which kind of makes it them all seem not quite important since they’re not white-skinned Americans but two different flavors of Muslim. Never-mind that Halliburton and even Princess Cruise Lines (¿Qué?) are raking in the cash hand over fist (“an unprecedented fleecing of America”) because of their close connections via lobbying and old ‘privitazation ties.’ Never-mind that Afghanistan is lost because of their unfuckingbelievable screw ups and inability to keep their eye on the ball.

They got it coming in each and every way. You’ve heard of the sacking of Rome? No Vandals here, just a few circle-jerking Republicans with their free hand in the cookie jar. They’re robbing us blind, no doubt about it, and it is just like Americans to stand idly by and, they’ll even politely close the gate after they’re gone (if there is still a gate left to close).

Okay, okay, so who exactly is the asshole here, I suspect your wondering? Not Hugo- he’s telling it like it is from his point of view. John Bolton, the poor man’s Robert Bork? (Yes, they got him through, this is what happens when you remove checks and balances from the system: SHIT oozes through the cracks.) George Bush? Dick Cheney? Fidel Castro? Kofi Annan?

Too bleeding obvious.

How about the American voter, for setting these fucks up in office in the first place, and re-electing them when they already knew about their ‘character issues.’

Amen, motherfuckers. I vote you today’s asshole.

Pucker up, Asshole

September 19, 2006

Sphincter BoyArlen Sphincter, c’mon down!

You’re an asshole of the greasiest kind!

By quietly seeking a remedy to Clueless Bush’s law breaking (by wire tapping innocent Americans instead of actually doing his job, nailing evil-doers), it essentially condones Clueless Bush’s actions after-the-fact. Cool!

Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton must really be feeling lonesome.

And since the’yre attempting to do this on the quiet, and no major news outlets seem to think it’s a story worthy of even a few etherbytes (c’mon, they’re practically free!), it’s essentially more proof (like we needed it) of the fourth estate’s abdication of responsibility.

Fortunately the people behind cnsnews got some cojones.