We the People to Wall St.: Drop Dead

March 26, 2009

Special guest diatribe courtesy of Something Awful:

The following is a fucking letter sent right fucking now to the New York Goddamn Times, another dying newspaper that is spending its final years ignominiously lurching between the rotten crotch of Wall Street and the ghastly juice pit of its political patrons. The Fourth Fucking Estate lives on the Internet now, you simpering whores and charlatans!This is a response to an actual publicity stunt of a letter puked out by the biggest dickbag in recent history, Jake DeSantis, and then published by America’s paper of dumb fucking record. This ass polyp DeSantis worked for the patient zero of the ebola currently running rampant through the rupturing vessels and blown veins of our country’s financial circulatory system. This is a dude who helped us move a couple clicks closer to some Road Warrior 12 Monkeys shit and now he’s crying because he didn’t get his prostate massaged thoroughly enough by the taxpayers. When I address this shit to Wall Street, I mean specifically Jake DeSantis, formerly of A.I.G., but also all of the rest of these dumbfucks who just don’t fucking get it.

DEAR Wall Street,

What a bunch of whiny fucking babies. John Galt would be puking blood for 200-pages over this load of shit, you bunch of sobbing welfare queens. You fucked up. You ruined everything. You broke it, and we fucking bought it, because big baby was too big baby to fail.

We get it all ways from you motherfuckers. You’re robbing us of our present and future now, but first you stepped on our throats on your way to the top. You raked in the money with a bunch of made up fantasyland bullshit that wouldn’t fool a counting horse on America’s Funniest Home Videos, but somehow suckered in every major bank in the world.

Credit default swaps.

Those things are so fucking dumb that when you explain them to somebody and they laugh about how dumb they are you’ve got to act like ooooh they’re so magical and complicated. Far too complex for the plebes to get. No! Wrong! Go into OTB and put fifty dollars on Rambo’s Beautiful Blood. You just bought a credit default swap. Whoaaa you’re blowing my simple pea brain with your fancy Wall Street talkin’. You sadsack fuckers.

So everybody bought into your big scheme, even when they didn’t know they were playing, and now the whole thing has come crashing down because too many people won the fucking unbelievably obvious bet that a million illegal immigrants were going to default on million dollar home loans. Suddenly all your stupid fake money is gone, but if it’s gone the whole system of bullshit lies collapses and you look like dickheads. So whoopty-doo, now we gotta make the fake money turn real or else the house of shitty cunt cards comes crashing down, only there isn’t enough real money to cover all the fake money, so we’re making more real money.

Then there’s A.I.G., the bad seed, the carbuncle on our anus, the weeping wound in our tit, the sorry source of all our misery and woe. This is the monster garage full of miscreants that dreamed up the fire-breathing nitro-gulping predicament we’re in right fucking now. Their financial products division created the derivatives market from lies and their executives raked in billions in bonuses and easy money. While they were peddling bad bets, median wages in the US stagnated and poor working schmucks leaned increasingly on credit to get by. Prices on everything were going up, but credit was easy to come by what with all that bullshit money to throw around.

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Your tax dollars hard at work

December 17, 2008

Useless fucking tools

December 1, 2008

Across the country, longtime local TV anchors are a dying breed. Facing an economic slump and a severe advertising downturn, many stations have cut costs drastically in the last year, and veteran anchors, with their expensive contracts, seem to be shouldering a disproportionate share of the cutbacks. When station managers are forced to make cuts, hefty anchor salaries are a tempting target. [NYT]

These ass clowns are a fucking nuisance to society. Laughing on camera, asking obvious questions. Emphasizing weather and sport, consumer reports, barely disguised plugs for local business, these organizations blithely ignore the real problems confronting US.

News? More like Nooze[tm].

They fucking deserve to be in the unemployment line. I can hear their begging now:

“Can you spare a dollar sir for hairspray?”

They should be thankful we don’t take them out back and just fucking shoot them, the uselss cunts.

And this guy is a banker? WTF?

November 26, 2008

A senior financier has lost a deposit of £500,000 after having to walk away from a deal to buy a £3.25m north London property because of the credit crunch.

Oh, so he thinks NOW  is a good time to buy a home.

He had exchanged contracts earlier this year to secure the house, but could not complete the purchase after he and his wife failed to receive expected pay bonuses.

I hate it when a plan doesn’t come together. Chickens, hatched… natch.

In a separate deal in Chelsea, west London, a buyer is said to have forfeited a £1m deposit when he failed to complete the acquisition of a £12.75m, seven-bedroom home.

Oh my. There appears to be a spate of these failures. Is it systemic?

The banker who has forfeited £500,000 is a managing director of a City investment firm. He said this weekend: “There is no way I can complete the transaction. I did not realise the market would collapse when I made the exchange.”

When a friggin’ banker doesn’t recognize a bubble collapsing, what do the rest of us rely upon? The groundhog?

Pulling out of completion after exchange is a breach of contract. If the seller loses money because the property value falls before another buyer can be found, they may be able to sue the original buyer.

The banker’s lawyer, Simon Thomas, a senior partner at Thomas Legal Group, said: “They are resigned to losing the £500,000 but the seller wants to pursue them for every penny they’re got.

Of course they will. Show them no mercy! Nevermind what this house is not “worth” anymore- it was an inflated value to begin with. But, a deal’s a deal.

Man, law UK-style can be a short-scorcher.

And if you thought we had a bubble here in the US, it pales incomparison to the Brits.

[London Times]

Protect the guilty, fine the innocent

November 25, 2008

Service to your country

November 24, 2008

Uh-oh, This Can’t Be Good for Business

October 29, 2008

***UPDATE 2****

Get the bolt cutters- youre outa here! [MSM airhead reads prompter with perfect makeup]

***UPDATE 1****

BMIT has latched on to the story. Read OCRenter’s account here.

Looks like someone drank a bit too much Kool-Aid.

Appearing in the local news and acting desperate by padlocking yourself to the front handrail (easily bypassed with a Sawzall, BTW), while at the same time trying to pass yourself off as an “expert” in the very field you claim as your “profession” is disingenuous at best, and at least as bad for business.

And another example of how, as my British friends like to point out, Americans fail to recognize irony.

So here we have yet another MSM story where the “reporter” fails to ask ANY probing or relevant questions, and just presents her- the, ahem, victim‘s, uh, story. How did this situation got to this point? I mean, c‘mon– “what is the backstory?” This is the first question on any reasonble viewer’s mind.

Failing to tell the other side of the story isn’t just irresponsible journalism (I know local TeeVeeNooze(tm) reporting isn’t REALLY journalism, but let’s pretend it is to make the point). It also foments the commonly held meme idiocy that it’s merely the banks that are to blame for the financial meltdown- and not greedy homedebtors who overleveraged themselves too.

Well, over at Housing Doom a little reasearch was in order and in the comments some answers were provided.  Ms. Reyno MEW’d to her hearts content- nearly tripling the debt on her home mortgage personal ATM.

I wonder where the money (approx. $389,000, on top of the home’s original mortgage of $200,000 ) went? It didn’t just evaporate.

“It looks more like she took advantage of the lenders than the other way around.” -twist

[California Short Sale Facilitator]

[Housing Doom]

“The mainstream media (specifically newspapers, but also radio, TV and magazines) are flailing and failing. The usual reason given is declining readership and ad revenue, but perhaps the real decline is in their relevancy, insight and truthfulness.” -Charles Hugh Smith, Mainstream Media: Masters of the Obvious, Clueless Commentary